What?! There's a girl under there? Who knew?

I had an impulsive burst of girly shopping and picked up a few things...



And NO girl should be without one of these sweet, sah-weet modes of transportation...


I also picked up a pack of white crew socks. Hey, they have "Hanes" stitched in pink, okay??

Q: How do you avoid looking like a gimp?

A: Leave the ball gag at home.

The more I've been riding, the more protective gear I've been buying. Aside from the original helmet, armored gloves and jacket, I now have racing boots and a back protector. It's a lot of stuff to put on, but I've gotten to the point where even just riding a block to the gas station, I can't NOT wear the back protector, helmet, gloves, jacket and, at the least, thick boots. It just doesn't feel safe without the gear.

And now I own a leather racing suit.

Before my first track day back in June, I tried ordering a full suit off the rack and had no luck. I am WAY too...ahem..."curvy" to fit the waifish outfits motorcycle apparel companies are churning out. Usually, I have to resort to men's gear, but a man's suit wouldn't work...guys have no ass area. I, however, wear three. Asses.

So that rack suit shows up, I don't fit it, and it was a scramble to get my old blue and gold jacket and a borrowed pair of racing pants (that just BARELY fit) to a local seamstress to get a zipper put in both, so they'd make one piece (a requirement for track day). It did the job, but was not my first choice for long term.

No, I don't plan to ever race. I don't have the need for speed. Just fun. In my case (as with most people, I'm guessing), increased speed is fast becoming a by-product of experience, whether I like it or not (I do, weeee!). However, I want to do many more track days and a full leather suit is a necessity. Most of the guys in the club wear full suits whenever we ride.

I decided, after track day, to research more on the internet...it was obvious I was going to need custom fitting. For the asses. All three. A trinity, if you will. Suits can be expensive. Custom suits, well, they border on the ridiculous, but the better the fit, the more the armor stays put, and the less likely you are to spontaneously combust from the inside due to abrasion against your skin. You won't see a custom-fitted rider rolling around on the pavement screaming, "I'm on fire! Help me, Oprah Winfrey! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!"

Here comes the part where every sensible-thinking person goes "whoa." I found a company in California, that might as well be a no-name, who offers a variety of racing suits for $480 with FREEEE custom-fitting AND shipping. Yeah, I thought it too..."Oh right. I throw $500 out there and 'wait-and-see.'" But, with the depressing thought that there is no suit out there ready-made to fit my trinity, I was getting desperate. Besides, the name brand suits cost MUCH more than 480 smackers. Granted, you can't tell for sure if this company knows their stuff about racing (most importantly, crashing)...more than once the thought crossed my mind, "What if the first impact makes all the seams blow apart like the skin of an over-ripe tomato?" I gave it a shot anyway, expecting to be disappointed the whole time.

While it took longer than promised (5 weeks instead of the 2-3), I had been receiving prompt responses to my emails and when I was given a tracking number, found that the suit was already in New York, on its way from, get this...Pakistan by way of Dubai. I guess I support sweatshop work however I can. When it finally arrived, I opened the box outside, in case of scorpions. Come on, it came from a freaking desert!


Pro's: It fits like a glove. The leather seems thick and the seams sturdy. It came with armored shoulders, elbows, knees, knee pucks and thick pads on the hips and back. I got to choose the pattern and colors. They say it's buffalo leather...for all I know it's made from cats, but I'll go with it.

Cons: It's hot as hell...they didn't use perforated leather anywhere or fabric stretch panels, so if it's at all muggy or hot out, I parboil inside. But, I'm also taking into consideration the fact that I've been riding in less-protective gear that is more breathable. I acknowledge the trade-off for safety. Another con: there's too much leather behind my knees and in front of the suit on the gut area. It's entirely possible that's my fault with those two areas. I had the seamstress here in Eau Claire measure me standing up instead of on the bike. I've started researching local tailors to find one who specializes in leather racing suits to see if I can get those fit issues remedied. One more con...any physical anomalies in your stature become glaringly obvious when you're wearing a second skin. Yeeeeeesh.


Overall, I think it was a good purchase, and I'm hoping with more wearing, it will be worth the current discomfort during break-in.

The company looks like they have a lot of great looking apparel for regular use as well. You can see more at LividLeather.

Turns out...It CAN make me look worse.

I give. It's what, quarter to 10 am? I made it maybe 3 hours with new skincare and makeup combo. Remember the Exxon Valdez? Same size oil slick. Also, the "makeup so clean you can sleep in it" has highlighted every fine, blond hair on my face (mostly the chin), making me resemble a teenage Santa. The back of the box says, "Return to the skin you were born with!" Momma? Was this a likeness of my baby-smooth skin at infancy? Because this is what it looked like at 10 am this morning, right before I washed all this junk off at work.


The upside? It only feels like ONE layer of muck instead of THREE.

Sorry this is short, but now I have to run out to my salon to find out if they'll fry the hair off my face (they should probably clean it first so the oil doesn't catch fire).

Damnit. Fine, I'll just try the Murad crap alone for a week or so. I'm THIS close to making an appt with a dermatologist, because frankly, my skin remains an enigma to me. I'm convinced the answer to flawless skin is right up there with "Why are we here?"

What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin' here?

Wednesday night I got home from work and...cooked. With wine. Yeah! Wine! Can you believe it? I actually put some of it in the food! And something called "lemon zest." And....tarragon. FRESH tarragon. Those who know me would find this highly suspicious, as did my mother, whom I sent a text message to stating, "Holy crap! I'm cooking with wine!" To which she responded, "What's his name?"

I don't cook. I've never really liked to and didn't harbor any desire to excel at it. However, I live with my brother, whose main food groups are Alfredo pasta, Spaghetti-O's (which, if you ask me, smells like vomit in a can) and Guinness. Despite that, he actually cooks more than I do. But I'm the experimenter...

Another reason I don't cook? Recipes. I look at the list of ingredients. I measure out all the amounts. I start reading the preparation and somewhere I end up missing the "reserve the liquid" from a can of pineapple chunks, or dump in the 1 cup of Parmesan cheese only to find that I must "sprinkle the remaining 2/3 cup over the top and serve." I refuse to read all the way through and then go back. Hence, the experimental status of most of my cooking.

So as I flip through my Real Simple magazine I spot this recipe that sounds good...I had a sub-par bag of edamame in my freezer that I just couldn't throw out. So I run to the store and collect the ingredients for "risotto with edamame, lemon zest, and tarragon" (Real Simple is so simple, they don't capitalize any titles in their magazine).

It actually didn't turn out too bad. The recipe called for 4 1/2 cups of veggie broth....I used the whole carton of "vegetable stock" (I hope that's the same thing), which was said to contain "about four cups." So it was a little browner than their photo.


It still turned out okay. EXCEPT...

Tangent warning! ---> I've always pondered who was the first crazy person to figure out if something was edible? Milk for instance? Ew. I don't claim to be a picky eater...my figure gives that away. But there are just some things that humans have discovered that, in my humble opinion, should NEVER be added to food. Rosemary? You mean PINE NEEDLES? How about cilantro? Man, I can't even describe the nasty-ass flavor that has. But don't you dare put it in my guacamole. I will beat you down. So...veering back to....tarragon...

I despise licorice flavored anything. Not candy, not liqueur, not nothing. Guess what tarragon tastes like? And how does my DAD know what it tastes like when I don't? I'm a girl! Shouldn't that have been in the manual? Ugh. My newly made recipe fairly reeks of it.

I'm eating it anyway. I'm not throwing that crap out. I'm too proud. I just occasionally make...the face, and continue eating. By the way, when they say Sauvignon Blanc is dry, they're not kidding. Don't drink it at room temp from the bottle.

***

So, cooking. Kind of an odd thing for me. What else is not quite?

I'm looking at two starter kits I just ordered from Sephora.com. Understand this. I wear lip balm. Clear lip balm. That's it. I'd like to tell you that I believe I radiate a natural beauty that doesn't require makeup, when in reality, nobody's ever seen me in makeup to know that I look better that way. I'm not stupid, you know.

However, at some time in the last year or so, I thought, "I really shouldn't have to live with a greasy face and zits this long, should I?" The facial hair that is genetically handed down (most likely) from a Polish ancestor working the onion field out near Krakow in her babushka, which frames her deeply wrinkled, dried apple-core face...that's enough to deal with in the mid 30's. I'm actually considering that electric razor with the "What's this? Goo?" dispenser built in. But the pimples and the midday slime have got to go.

My two kits...Murad Acne Complex (read: Acid Dip) Kit and the current fad: Bare Minerals Get Started Kit. I've had them here now for two days. And I just keep looking at the boxes. I'm not expecting miracles, but then I can't help but wonder if I'm ready for another round of "My GOD! If I dab neon paint on every breakout by the light of a UV bulb, kids would be able to earn degrees in Astronomy from my FACE!"

Sigh. I suppose the worst that happens is I spend another week explaining how I must have an allergy to tarragon and this should clear up soon. There's no reason to procrastinate, really. It can't make me look worse, right?

...I'll start on Monday...