Monday, September 24, 2012

You say "uvula"...


This area of Wisconsin is filthy with one fest or another throughout the summer. Each town has its corn fests, broiler fests, bean and bacon days, beef-a-ramas, oktoberfests, beer fests, blues fests, you name it.

One summer, probably a handful of years ago, Fahjah and I went to one of the local fests. As we stood off to the side, each enjoying a corn dog...

Pop: "There's no unweird way to eat a corn dog in public."

Me: "I know. Then there's the danger of stabbing myself with the stick in the hangy-down at the back of my throat."

Pop: "Uh huh." (pause) "Isn't that the vulva?"

Me: I shake my head. "Lower."

Pop, in a lower voice: "Isn't that the vulva?"

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Stop your damn whining already


Apparently, I need an explanation regarding the use of stereotypes. People seem to treat them like derogatory names and get all weird when they are mentioned in conversations. Don't confuse this with pejorative words that are meant to hurt or offend.

But back to the stereotypes. Are they not based on fact for the most part? Can the majority of crackers jump? Are our dark-skinned brothers and sisters not more inclined to be fluid in movement while dancing? Do butch lesbians not dress like dudes?

My guess is if you're offended by a generalized statement of your race, creed (treehuggers avoid shaving), religion (Lutherans love lemon jello), or gender (women are emotional), you probably have a more personal problem.

Then there's people who rush in to defend another race's issues. When the Native Americans get pissy about schools using their tribes as mascots, I'll back them. But not when some fat white PTA mom starts picketing. Besides, if I was Native American, I'd be pretty flattered. There's no high school I can think of whose mascot is  "The White Guy" (no, we don't really know for sure what the Lancer is under that visor). I suppose if there was we whites would be stereotyped as oppressive. Woops, there's another one.

So here's the thing. If you're a woman, and somebody tells you women can't drive, but you are a good driver, have an umbrella drink, and let them have their opinion. Don't start railing on the person, you'll make us all look emotional.