Look at me on a tangent...back to my point. It's been an ugly two and a half months. In addition to the newly acquired "Boo!" to winter, I was let go from my job, panicked at the knowledge of not getting another job at similar pay and threw myself (nearly literally) into a full-time college schedule at a fledgling school with a RIDICULOUS tuition, merely because my brain said "IT'LL TAKE LESS TIME!!! GO! GO! GO!" Meanwhile, I was trying to find a part-time job and foolish enough to think I could handle four classes of homework AND work.
I'm just not wired that way. I am a woman of leisure.
Now, halfway through my first quarter, I'm breathing slower again. I realize that panic blinds me. I see that I need to explore options, take my time and do the research that I always do before I make a big decision. And GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS SCHOOL. And so I shall. Hey, Expensive University of Chaos! Color me gone at the end of your quarter! It's time to find a full-time job, so that I may live in the manner to which I was once accustomed. Take the schooling to a better, and ironically cheaper, grounded, established collegiate system. Part time, baby, part time. Low and slow. Research my interests thoroughly (and not just what I know how to do, but something I'd enjoy doing). In the deadest, beaten horse way. Summer Session to start? At the big U? Verrry likely. I can do this.
How can I do this? How have I gotten to this point of calm?
Family. My mom, who can bring to startling clarity the common sense things I should be doing that I never thought of actually carrying out. All while gently pointing out that she did NOT raise an idiot, but a bright, smart human being. My dad, who shows me a clear path through the mess and then hands me the flashlight with a comforting smile. My brother, who, with a hug can make all the stress, anxiety, pain and fear come spilling out, leaving an exhausted, but quieter soul.
Friends. Friends don't have to be in your life. Friends want to be in your life. What is that magic that binds you to a complete stranger for the remainder of your existence? Does it have a definition? Some people seem to think that quantity matters over quality. I have around 100 "friends" in Facebook, yet I only need and want a select few to keep their place firmly embedded in my heart. Trish, who does not waste her time focusing on the whining and the emotional bullshit, but (and you can almost hear it when it happens) switches gears from extremely witty and caring to straight thinking, problem-solving superhero. Possible, common sense solutions fly at you. You need only reach out and several hit home. Diz, whose near-daily, pop culture-laden, intellectual conversations can lift the spirits and paint philosophical pictures you didn't know existed. Together we are a pair of sounding boards, alternately flinging life's poo and candy off each other and walking away from it relieved and cheered. Between the incredible photography from him and the word paintings from me, we are one artist. Wood, whom I've only ever met once in person, but has been, for so many years, as much a part of me as to wear my socks while I'm in them. You, my friend, are my soulmate and the very definition of a gift. When I have had the worst moments of self-doubt, fear, and hopelessness, it's you I go running to and you have never turned from me. You have infinite patience and optimism. You are my cheerleader and my solid ground. You have earned your Knight in Shining Armor status many times over.
Thank you all for letting me be welcome in your lives.
"We all po baby, but rich in friends." - Wood
....You do realize, there just has to be a fart-related post coming soon, right? :)