Sunday, January 3, 2010

Buck Up Little Camper! We'll Tackle That Slope Together!

I, along with the one other employee at our print shop, was let go from a job that I enjoyed and a place that I loved to work on December 8. On December 9, I was in the admissions office of a local business school on my way to digging in for a bachelor's degree. Between that time and now, I've been forced out of my childlike, "fun" world and into the grown up world. And hey, it BLOWS out here.

So, in trying to find a part-time job, applying for student loans ("I just signed my financial life away and all I got was a lousy t-shirt" ....seriously, I got a t-shirt), ordering textbooks from all over the planet just to save myself 300 bucks down the road, and generally panicking about how to keep myself in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed (oh iPhone, I heart you so, you expensive fucker), I'm finding it difficult to have a sense of humor about anything, really.

So as I sit here on the eve of my first class (algebra...I might as well get the crap I hate out of the way first), I am filling out an income adjustment form to apply for a Pell grant. I get to the second page that states, "Write a personal statement describing the circumstances leading to this request." There are sixteen blank lines and they encourage you to attach additional pages "as necessary."

I am imagining myself writing down all manner of dog took acid and hijacked a school bus full of penguins, to steal an example. Then something dark and evil crosses my mind. I put pen to paper and write, "I. Was. Laid. Off."

Nope. Still no sense of humor. However, the dark, sharp sarcasm seems to have stood the test of time. Honestly, I should think the last paycheck I received, dated the first week of December and the unemployment check dated the second week of December, should speak volumes.

Oh hey, thanks Obama. Swell job. Hmm, maybe I should add, "Check with Obama, he probably knows why."

I have my Tiki, I have my Tiki, I have my Tiki...


  1. Too bad it's not summer so you can go get some of that aggression out on the road. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that...

    Maybe you can work that "I. Was. Laid. Off." part into something greater. I know you have more words in you and I'm sure you can use several that will have the Pell Grant people pulling out their dictionaries. Or opening up

    Hey- are you going to Rush?

  2. The band? Alas, there is no Greek system at this school. And I was hoping to get a job as a house cougar at a fraternity...

  3. House Cougar!! Awesome!! Do they pay for that?