Thursday, May 1, 2008

Regrets: A light-hearted look

Every elder in your life will tell you that to regret is to waste energy on something you can't change. Way I see it, for good or bad, they have introduced me to the person I am today. I feel real, knowledgeable, aware, and grateful to be where I am now. Nonetheless, there the regrets are. You either dwell on them or push them to the back of your mind. I like to dwell on regrets from time to time. Except to me, they are not bad, they just are. They're wishes, regrets, accomplishments, however you choose to look at them. Having said that, I decided to use the word "regret" because I'm going with a theme here.

Trish's recent post inadvertently wrestled a laundry list out of me. Instead of slapping a big old comment on her blog, I'll just add my list here.

  • I regret that I was born with body hair.
  • I might regret finally giving in to dating that first serious boyfriend after refusing him for a year and a half, but (since it didn't kill me), it only made me stronger.
  • I regret that I inherited the "Kujawa Reef", as I'm now up to my boobs in the press, trying to fix the assembly I just had to yank on. NOTE: Sometimes too much cleaning is just too much.
  • I regret that I stopped biting my nails...yeesh. You should see what they look like when they catch dry ink and fuser oil.
  • I regret that I have not yet pulled the trigger on a second skydive. Now I know too much.
  • I regret that my ideal tropical lifestyle doesn't involve heat, bugs, weird ocean greeblies, hot salt water or sand wadded up in that "panel" at the bottom of my swimming suit. Find me a tropical island that has a gentle, wispy breeze at a steady 75-80 degrees with low humidity and overcast skies. And a light tide.
  • I regret that I burn first, then peel...then maybe tan. See above point.
  • I regret that, while I want the next fun sports car, I am keeping the Saturn sedan because it's paid for. Being a grown-up is tough on the inner child.
  • I regret that my closest friends and family REFUSE to drop everything and move in next door to me up here. Okay...maybe down the block a little...
  • I regret that I didn't tell off that Catholic priest during the communion at my grandfather's funeral. It's not Tommy's fault he's Lutheran. In your hand, in your mouth...what difference does it make? The body of Christ ends up in the same place no matter what.
  • I regret that I didn't become more financially conscious until now. Boy, money is nice when you have some to spare. See above previous point re: Car.
  • I regret that I don't own a pair of stilts.
  • I regret that Robot Chicken, a 15-minute stop-animation tv show, is more entertaining to me than a 4-hour presentation of "Planet Earth". But I blame the pop culture references as fodder for amusement. And there's an occasional fart.
  • I regret I didn't have a camera on me when Mom and I went "poo-ticketing".
  • I regret that I didn't catch on to the fact that one of the guys in the CVSC was nice enough to fill up my gas tank (while I was in the bathroom) before I tried to put 36 cents worth of fuel in it. Duh. For a moment there, I thought, "Holy hell! It's magic! 50 miles on and it's STILL FULL!" Double duh.

Huh...I'm actually smiling. That was fun. You try it!


  1. Kuj,
    I love that Cinderella song!
    Will have to read your list later. Have kids to pick up.
    Karla (from trish's blog)

  2. Oh my favorite cousin,
    I LOVE this post! I regret that we don't still live close enough for me to pull you around the block in the wagon and tell you that boys suck, don't waste your time!!!!!
    Love you so much,
    Heb xo

  3. Your post sounds a little Andy Rooney-like. I was going to answer to each of your items with a rebuttal so you wouldn't have regrets; still trying to be the mom and make everything okay. But WTF, have some if you like. I'll just keep my learning experiences, they make me feel less suicidal!

  4. I regret forgetting your birthday!!! But I don't regret keeping the books. It's pay back for the ten year old candles.

  5. Trish...

    Feel better, do you? You soulless thing...I saved you from that Drakkar-scented candle.

    Your mom ordered the other stuff, didn't she? You want it? It'd be like stealing stuff from her house, only you eliminate the :-D

  6. Regrets:

    I regret not putting on my glasses and reading the label on the can before I applied hairspray to my armspits.

    I regret perming my hair for seven years straight and making my bangs look like something my blender coughed out. (Mmmmmmm...that was a pretty high school senior yearbook photo! Not.)

    I regret all those times I talked myself out of trying something new because I was just scared by the newness of the thing. (Read that again. It'll make sense the second or third read-thru.)

    I regret not starting a 403b eight years ago.

    I regret not finding out about the caramel and cream LAMB Oxford pumps until after they were all sold out and only the ugly jaguar green and navy were left. (Google these puppies! Tres chic! Yes, a little "grandma shoe"-esque, but still somehow cool.Fascinating....)

    I regret that I ate meatloaf for dinner and am now drooling over my neighbor's steaks roasting on his grill.

    I regret not having gotten a pedicure, yet. I can't believe I am wearing my open-toed heels in public, but I have apparently thrown caution, reason, and taste to the wind. BEHOLD MY CALLOUSED FEET, WORLD!!

    I regret that I have to read 25 more essays before the night is over...and I want to go to sleep now.

    I regret that I am procrastinating.

    I regret that I don't eat more fiber...for obvious reasons.

    I regret that breastfeeding caused my nipples to fall backwards into my breast. It's a weird look.

    I regret that I don't have a cool shako to wear in MY blog photo.

    I regret that I ever tried tanning. Now I am freckled.

    I regret that there is no good way to shave the upper parts of my legs.

    I regret that my car is cluttered.

    I regret I ever let my best friend purchase indigo neon undercarriage lights for her Saturn. (heh, heh, heh...) :)

    I regret all the time I wasted worrying about stuff that never came true. (Um, but I'm GLAD it didn't come true. It was just a collossal waste of brain power.)

    I regret not purchasing the Ped Egg sooner. That thing DOES smooth out rough patches!

    Ack! Phone. More later!

  7. Oh. GOD! I regret Drakkar! I think a whole decade of men (and women) regret Drakkar!

    And Sun-In. It turned my hair PINK.

  8. Oooh! Sing this:

    (ala Cinderella)

    "Don't know what you've got
    'til you've tanned it
    Didn't know I'd get freckles
    Damn it!

    Now I've gone and Sun-In-ed my hair
    May as well pull a Britney with some