What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin' here?

Wednesday night I got home from work and...cooked. With wine. Yeah! Wine! Can you believe it? I actually put some of it in the food! And something called "lemon zest." And....tarragon. FRESH tarragon. Those who know me would find this highly suspicious, as did my mother, whom I sent a text message to stating, "Holy crap! I'm cooking with wine!" To which she responded, "What's his name?"

I don't cook. I've never really liked to and didn't harbor any desire to excel at it. However, I live with my brother, whose main food groups are Alfredo pasta, Spaghetti-O's (which, if you ask me, smells like vomit in a can) and Guinness. Despite that, he actually cooks more than I do. But I'm the experimenter...

Another reason I don't cook? Recipes. I look at the list of ingredients. I measure out all the amounts. I start reading the preparation and somewhere I end up missing the "reserve the liquid" from a can of pineapple chunks, or dump in the 1 cup of Parmesan cheese only to find that I must "sprinkle the remaining 2/3 cup over the top and serve." I refuse to read all the way through and then go back. Hence, the experimental status of most of my cooking.

So as I flip through my Real Simple magazine I spot this recipe that sounds good...I had a sub-par bag of edamame in my freezer that I just couldn't throw out. So I run to the store and collect the ingredients for "risotto with edamame, lemon zest, and tarragon" (Real Simple is so simple, they don't capitalize any titles in their magazine).

It actually didn't turn out too bad. The recipe called for 4 1/2 cups of veggie broth....I used the whole carton of "vegetable stock" (I hope that's the same thing), which was said to contain "about four cups." So it was a little browner than their photo.


It still turned out okay. EXCEPT...

Tangent warning! ---> I've always pondered who was the first crazy person to figure out if something was edible? Milk for instance? Ew. I don't claim to be a picky eater...my figure gives that away. But there are just some things that humans have discovered that, in my humble opinion, should NEVER be added to food. Rosemary? You mean PINE NEEDLES? How about cilantro? Man, I can't even describe the nasty-ass flavor that has. But don't you dare put it in my guacamole. I will beat you down. So...veering back to....tarragon...

I despise licorice flavored anything. Not candy, not liqueur, not nothing. Guess what tarragon tastes like? And how does my DAD know what it tastes like when I don't? I'm a girl! Shouldn't that have been in the manual? Ugh. My newly made recipe fairly reeks of it.

I'm eating it anyway. I'm not throwing that crap out. I'm too proud. I just occasionally make...the face, and continue eating. By the way, when they say Sauvignon Blanc is dry, they're not kidding. Don't drink it at room temp from the bottle.

***

So, cooking. Kind of an odd thing for me. What else is not quite?

I'm looking at two starter kits I just ordered from Sephora.com. Understand this. I wear lip balm. Clear lip balm. That's it. I'd like to tell you that I believe I radiate a natural beauty that doesn't require makeup, when in reality, nobody's ever seen me in makeup to know that I look better that way. I'm not stupid, you know.

However, at some time in the last year or so, I thought, "I really shouldn't have to live with a greasy face and zits this long, should I?" The facial hair that is genetically handed down (most likely) from a Polish ancestor working the onion field out near Krakow in her babushka, which frames her deeply wrinkled, dried apple-core face...that's enough to deal with in the mid 30's. I'm actually considering that electric razor with the "What's this? Goo?" dispenser built in. But the pimples and the midday slime have got to go.

My two kits...Murad Acne Complex (read: Acid Dip) Kit and the current fad: Bare Minerals Get Started Kit. I've had them here now for two days. And I just keep looking at the boxes. I'm not expecting miracles, but then I can't help but wonder if I'm ready for another round of "My GOD! If I dab neon paint on every breakout by the light of a UV bulb, kids would be able to earn degrees in Astronomy from my FACE!"

Sigh. I suppose the worst that happens is I spend another week explaining how I must have an allergy to tarragon and this should clear up soon. There's no reason to procrastinate, really. It can't make me look worse, right?

...I'll start on Monday...