Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Uhhh....bad time?

Odd post...This is what happens when I am either 1) lacking in ideas for posting or 2) have perfectly good ideas for posting but am FAR too lazy to get off the couch to move to the other computer where the pictures necessary for posting are, OR 3) your best friend tries to steer you away from a post revealing her past...talents. Uh...yeah. Not that dirty.

I warn you, you will likely encounter turbulent tangents. Buckle up, sunshine. You'll thank me later.

Backstory -> Scene: The Grandpa Chair, living room, my house, Eau Claire. Props (no, not those...OR THOSE! NOT THAT DIRTY!): blanket, laptop, Scrubs dvd playing on tv, cell phone. I'm warm, comfy, and playing Mahjongg on my laptop until my contacts dry up and threaten to run off to a more humid climate.

I receive a text message from said best friend TRISH...something to the effect of "I'm bored. When are you going to post a new topic, you lazy bag?" I let her know that I was on the fence with two possibilities for posting: the bike...or Trish's...past talents. For some strange reason, she encouraged the bike posting (see #3 above).

In my attempt to encourage posting reciprocity, I text back, "Maybe we should throw topics at each other. Your is: Oreos."

Shortly thereafter, I receive another text...something to the effect of: "Look, Princess, while you're sitting in a quiet house, watching your beloved Scrubs dvds, letting your big ass fall asleep in the Grandpa Chair, and possibly downing a bottle of Mondoro and a bag of Smarties, I'm running helter-skelter around this house mopping up barf (she was unspecific as to whose) and poop (again, unspecific, whose), while watching HUGE tumbleweeds of dog hair drift across the dining room floor. You can kiss my frazzled ass right now, but I guarantee you, tomorrow there will be an Oreo post. Just for that? Your topic? Colostomy bags!"

...okay. Uhhh. That's not really...I mean, nothing really is coming to me...

Ah, colostomy bags are...oh man. You are all gonna be so very sorry. Especially if you've been reading my comments over on Trish's blog. Well, here goes...

Can you just IMAGINE how funny the FARTS are when an unrestricted orifice and an amplified plastic bag are involved??? And no smelly! Ah hahahaha! (note to self: duct tape one to brother's butt. All laugh, no gag.)
Good lord, I have to get out of this chair. My cheeks really are asleep.


  1. I'm not trying to cause problems here but Trish's post had nothing to do with oreos! It didn't make mention of a single oreo. No double stuffs, no twisting. It was all about poop and vomit.

    Well, you read it.

    Colostomy bags and farts?

    Here's a topic for tomorrows blog... I'll just open the dictionary here... P... oh great... the word is phlegm. I'm not making that up.

  2. Swell. ...you asked for it!

  3. Okay, okay.... I must have forgotten to mention that I was eating oreos as I returned the emails that preceded the three year old's bodily fluid eruption! I MEANT to put that in! They were double stuffed. And I used my Michael Kors baby pink kitten-heels to scrape out the creamy center and indulge in the creamy goodness prior to chowing down on the chocolate cookie. Am I back in good graces, yet?